Did I not drink?

I drank;

I've drunk the blood of the one who wants me to die. I've drunk so much I could die at any time. G-d help me. God help me! > I've prayed. But did I mean it? I meant it at times. Do I mean it? I mean it; then, now. Help me, O Lord.


However; will I help myself, with the Lords/guidance? Hmmmm...?

My G-d, My G-D; I pray to you; help me please; I want to live in reverent fear of you, my God, yeshua, My hosanna, my G-d.